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Had to get outside today. Found myself at a park, where I felt compelled to defend an immigrant family’s right to be there.
I must admit, it took me a few minutes to speak up. I was initially reluctant to do so—I am not young. I am not in good health. I am not of large frame. And the young men were not nice.
So, I gathered my thoughts & my courage & then, said what I said. Something disarming & then, something more pointed. I ended up babbling something about the gift of this beautiful sun shiny day & was relieved when they turned & walked away.
The father shared his appreciation for my “kind manner.” Said his wife had wanted to leave but when he heard me, he said to her, “See. See, there are still kind people here.” We continued to talk for a bit and they were so lovely. I am happy to have met them & their beautiful children. I am happy I found the courage to say *something.*
Still, I cried all the way home.
We have to stand up for each other now.
@wren That's amazing, Wren.
@wren Right On! --> All we have is each other. I recommend involvement in this: https://www.poorpeoplescampaign.org/
@wren What you did was such a significant thing, especially for that family, of course (both in the moment but also enduring in their memories), but also for the possibility you planted a seed in the mind of at least one of the bullies, and certainly as an inspiring example and/or a comfort for those of us who see your post. Thank you. 
Thank-you. That's kind of you to say.
I studied each of their faces as I was talking to them. I don't know whether I got through to any of them, or not. It was all so maddening and heart-breaking.
@wren Your story really touched me.
The frustrating thing about planting seeds is rarely knowing if they land in dead soil or if they sprout & flourish. But it’s important to speak our truth &
the key thing you did today was for that family. My husband says we never know when we’re making a memory for someone. But you clearly made a good one for them that helped erase (or at least ease) a bad one. They’ll carry your kindness w/them for a long time, & these gifts of humanity will get us through.
@wren A friend of mine was confronted today while getting gas. A random guy cornered her, saying that he couldn't wait for Trump to deport her ass and told her to go back to her country.
She's Oglala Lakota.
Their ignorance and hatred are terrifying.
I think I must have been more angry than frightened in the moments it was happening but I also knew I had to figure out some way to make it stop or I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
I'm sorry that happened to your friend.
@wren @geekgyrl I don't know if it's better as I don't live in the UK now. But the post-Johnson/truss governments were less tolerant of rape and violent threats against their opponents or foreigners. As it was Johnson's supporters who were making the threats he did nothing until the press turned on him for allowing them. He passed a small comment on it very reluctantly.
I don't know what all this family went through and survived in their country in order to arrive "safely" in this country. I'm just sickened by what they must endure here.
@geekgyrl The greatest current and growing threat to civility and civilisation is obscurantism. That is Trumpism in a nutshell.
haxadecimal 
@temperedtea @wren Throughout U.S. history, various ethnic groups have faced discrimination and injustice. Indigenous peoples, Black Americans, the Irish, Italians, Hispanics, Asians, and others have all been singled out and marginalized at different times.
Unfortunately, asshole is the default mode for humanity as a whole. It takes work to do better and be better. And most people are lazy. It is much easier to hate than it is to love.
The Notorious Kyo 
SA Threat Mention
@geekgyrl @wren 
I’ve seen reports of teenage girls in school having boys come up and threaten to sexually assault them. A friend said a couple of people were assaulted outside a gay bar where they live
I think I may lay low for a few weeks. I’ve been harassed a few times walking around before in this city, so I’m not keen to try my luck
SA Threat Mention
It is a worrisome situation. To be sure. Take care of you and yours.
@wren Yes, we surely need to stand up for each other, now more than ever. Thank you showing us one of the ways that’s done.
️
@wren Thank you for sticking up for them and being an outstanding example of American hospitality and justice!
I wouldn't describe my actions as outstanding. I was trembling the whole time. But thank you for thinking so. 
@wren that was so incredibly brave. Thank you so much for doing that, and thank you so much for sharing with us that you did this. You have made that family's day. You are amazing!
Thank-you but I'm really not. I'm just a grandmother who thought, if these were my children caught up in something like that with my grandchildren right there, I would hope someone would do something. That's all I could think to do for that family.
@wren you did absolutely the right thing.
@wren May I ask what you said? Both the disarming part and the more pointed? I expect events like this to be more and more frequent, and examples of what to say, could help
Disarming part? Nothing brilliant. A “Hey Fellas” greeting w my best grandmotherly demeanor & asked if they “come to play at this toddler playground often.” Told them I didn’t recall ever seeing them around. (Didn’t mention I’d never been there before.) Rambled on about liking to walk about the park, rest up on benches in the shade & take in the sounds of joyful children laughing & playing.
Pointed part, “what a great *public* playground for *all* our children; childhood innocence; we *all* have the right to bring our children here; *all* have the responsibility of protecting them; keep them safe while they're playing.
I was alarmed when they lined up in a militant stance and stared me down but there was something in their facial expressions—a sort of *practiced* vibe—that I found comical. In turn, perhaps foolishly, I just started laughing & added, “Look at *all* these precious little ones. Aren’t they adorable?”
That’s when they just—left. Without another nasty word.1/2
I’m a bit taken aback by all the attention this post has gotten because as you can see, I mostly just blabbered a lot in an attempt to break the tension & serve as a distraction, of sorts.
Please see @AIF-Massachusetts comment. I’m sure you’ll find better resources to guide you. I’m looking forward to gaining a better skill set than what I was able to come up with on the fly. Hopefully, we won’t need to employ that skill set but I’m afraid we will and for some time to come. 2/2
@wren what you did was community defense. We need lots of people like you standing up for their neighbors in exactly this way.
You're brave, you're kind, and it's ok to cry and be scared. The important part is you did what needed to be done.
If anyone out there wants to be more prepared for this situation in the future, some organizations offer bystander trainings that prepare folks to respond to incidents of racism, sexism, or transphobia. We will cover this in a future post on our AIF MA account in more detail but there are many ways to be a helpful bystander in situations like these and being prepared with some options can help it feel less intimidating, although not necessarily less scary.
Thank you. I tried.
I look forward to learning how to be better prepared, more effective, etc.
@wren Thank you thank you thank you. I'm not an immigrant but I hope so much to have the courage to do what you did if I'm ever presented with the need.
@wren thank you for taking a step like this.
@wren
Those guys will always remember that encounter Wren.
That seed, there forever.
There will be other times when others call them on their behaviour and that memory will resurface, again and again and hopefully one day take root.
The chance is there thanks to you and your care.
Evil triumphs when good m̶e̶n̶ people do nothing.
I want to think so. Thank-you.
@wren Thank you for doing that.
@wren Well done 
@wren thank you for doing this and sharing it here. It's good to know.
Deescalation should be taught in schools I think. If I was in charge, this would be the kind of thing medals are awarded for.
I've heard people speculate that older women often make good desecalactors as they are naturally non-threatenting and possibly remind young men of a mother or grandmother they respect.
*hugs lots*
You did something immensely brave. Thank you for that.
Don't feel ashamed for crying afterwards. You did something scary, and emotions can be very overwhelming.
I almost cried reading this, so you're not alone.
thank you
@wren Thank you for your courage. This is what we all must practice, and I hope to have that same courage when it's my turn to speak up.
@wren This is what we do. Thank you, and thank you for sharing 
@wren Thank you.
@wren Your courage made a difference, not only to those people but to everyone. Thank you for being a person worthy of what this planet has to offer. Thank you for standing up for human rights & fairness. 
⚘⚘⚘
@wren Well done. I'm sure that took courage. Kudos for doing the right thing.
@wren
Thank you for your humanity. It matters.
@wren well done. If you hadn't spoken up you'd then feel bad for not doing so. It's hard to do and it's always out of the comfort zone regardless of how big or many they are. I don't know you but am super pleased there are people like you prepared to do this. Well done again and thank you.
Yes, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself it I hadn't spoken up. I wasn't really 'prepared." I was just determined to try and make it stop.
@wren I hope you or some wise people will tell us some things to say. Some phrases to get us started would be so helpful.