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@godpod@universeodon.comRewrite Bible stories as Florida Man headlines! “Florida man finds out wife is pregnant, claims the father is God.”
@godpod god, you devil you.
@godpod New Commandment: Thou Shall Not Florida
@godpod just like Jesus
@godpod
Florida man offers daughters to rapist in order to "save angels."
Florida Man Arrested Wearing Raincoat Over String of Zoo Heists
@godpod
Florida Man Unleashes Bears on Children, 42 Dead: "They Were Mocking My Bald Head"
@godpod Florida man’s wife dies in god-created catastrophe, claims god says he can rape his daughter as compensation (as long as he pays her later by Venmo).
King of Florida sleeps with married woman after spying on her while bathing. Has husband killed.
@godpod Florida woman goes full Karen; becomes literal salt
@godpod Florida man turns wife into bath salts.
@dleeschro @godpod this seems very Florida.
@godpod
"Florida Man Builds Gigantic Boat to Survive Biblical Flood"
"Florida Woman Disobeys Orders, Turns into Salt Statue"
"Florida Man Takes Down Giant with Slingshot in Epic Showdown"
"Florida Woman Becomes Queen, Saves People from Peril"
"Florida Man Survives Fiery Furnace with Help from Heavenly Being"
"Florida Man Witnesses Friend's Resurrection, Becomes Advocate for Faith"
"Florida Man's Generosity Sparks Debate Over Wealth Redistribution"
@godpod
Florida man loves thy neighbours and covets thy cousin.
@TravelPhotos @godpod
Florida Man, Desperate for Water, Resorts to Striking Rock with Pole
@godpod Florida man rats out best friend to cops for 30 pieces of silver. Later he is found hanging in a tree.
@godpod Florida Man kills his brother over dinner they cooked for their imaginary friend.
@godpod Florida man caught illegally smuggling thousands of endangered species on backyard-built “boat.”
@godpod "Florida man wins all-night wrestling match, changes name afterwards".
@godpod and she was duped into it because he made up his flying saucer to look like a Holiday Inn!
@godpod Deceased Florida man in cave revived by itinerant faith healer according to multiple witnesses.
@godpod Ah, I see somebody else saw this picture that was making rounds on Discord a few days:
@godpod Did he ask his wife what was she like?
@godpod Florida Man found naked on Daytona Beach claims he was swallowed by a whale.
@godpod
How's this:
Retired Florida man seeks to slander a government official when he finds the official is more popular.
Hey, not too bad.
I know:
Enraged small petty Florida man revokes entertainment vendor special status claiming they used "woke" LGBTQ idealogy to "groom" Florida children under guise of having family fun.
@godpod Straight out of Weekly World New, God!
@godpod Florida Man claims his wife talked to a snake, then ate an apple from the snake’s tree & now is angry that she’s smarter than him!
@godpod Florida man drops tablets, has to go back up mountain again.
@godpod I'm geussing your birthday's coming too. Happy early and/or belated birthday to you too.
@godpod Florida woman talks to snakes and eats fruit, figures out she's been naked her whole life.
@godpod I guess they’re giving up on the commandments Exodus 20:17: “You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor's.