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Those were the good old days.
https://patreon.com/lowqualityfacts
@lowqualityfacts hence all those fancy colorful and frilled varieties! It all makes sense now!
You could garnish that lettuce hat with an attractive colorful insect, or a radish! 
@lowqualityfacts What do you mean "before"?
@lowqualityfacts I have photographic evidence of this.
no, alcohol wasn't involved. Why do you ask?
@lowqualityfacts ermmmm, no.
@lowqualityfacts Lettuce see the celery you get paid for this, to see if you beet around the bush...
@lowqualityfacts The iceberg lettuce was originally called the homburg lettuce.
@lowqualityfacts and when they bowed their heads and removed their hats before prayer, they whispered "lettuce pray."
@lowqualityfacts especially to church, that's why the priest says
Lettuce Pray.
@lowqualityfacts It also sunk the Titanic, so don't argue with it.