Back

Some days... Are hard to get through...

I keep going because Arwen depends on me. Because I know the next day may be better. Because I hope that, if I'm stubborn enough, then it can become a better day after all...

For those of you that are "newly added" to my Friendos/circles, I'll give a slight recap of the "world of Cynni Pixy".

I'm AuDHD and I've always been a night owl. When I worked, the favorite shirts were the nightly ones, I just loved them. After the divorce, I lost all will to live. My time schedule was messed up, as was I. Then, I tried to get back into the "normal routine" hours, as most people have them. But... Covid19 was a thing, and all things normal vanished... And then, we got a new gym in town. And... They opened for 24/7. So... I started experimenting. And, I got back into a nightly routine again. It's not always convenient when it comes to appointments that can't be done in the morning hours. But... I love the calm of night!

So, my "days" begin when the night begins. And I head to bed halfway through the afternoon. It works for me, most of the time. But these hours matter with what I share here now.

Some days, when the nightly routine ends, when I've done the chores that I had to do, I just feel like going back to bed. Skip the rest of the day, with its sounds, lights, triggers... Skip the "waiting before I can go to bed again". Just sleep away the "boring" moments and live for the night again.

I try to stay awake. I stick to the routine as much as I can, because it does help me loads. But, some days, when the night passed by, when daylight is bright to my eyes, when all the people are out and about... That's when I'd like to hide away from the world and wait for the darkness again...

I know this probably won't make sense to many. And I struggle most when I deal with stress and/or anxiety (in this case, I need a puncture tomorrow in my hip area to test for infections near the metallic implant; and I've never had such a procedure, so I'm anxious about it, and the possible pain that I may experience). Or when my night was not restful enough. Or when my depression is trying to take hold of me again...

Today, I struggle... I'll watch some telly, write some for my blog, then walk Arwen and after that, I may try to play a game a bit... Distract myself...

But today, I can't wait to see the night again...

Fankoos for making it to the end of this long babbling post... Have a lovely day, and remember to be kind, not just to others, but to yourself as well!